Archive for August, 2013

Zombie’ing

It’s been so long since I have written in here. I know I have been meaning to stay up to date… or even update how I have been. Actually… I said I was going to write consistently, but all I can say is I’m sorry. The reality is that I’ve just been busy. Busy with work, busy with other activities… that kind of stuff. And when I get free time or anytime after work, I’m usually too tired to sit in front of a computer and type up an entry… let alone anything creative.

 

I spend most of my nights in front of the movie channels on t.v. and zombie’ing it out on the chair… or even just putting music in the background. It’s not so much as I get so drained from work or other activities which would make me seem like a blob. It’s that feeling of not having to do anything, not needing to be productive, the aspect of not requiring to focus on anything which causes me to just zombify it. Reflecting back… (Wow… the sudden realization that I haven’t had a decent reflection since I’ve last been writing up entries… which probably goes to show I should write more) I feel that a lot of time has really been wasted zombying. But then again, even if I forced myself doing other things, I wouldn’t get any enjoyment out of them anyways.

 

That’s kinda how it is right now. That search to find some ounce of enjoyment, that happiness… it’s not been the same as compared to back when I was serving my military service. I wouldn’t say that things haven’t been interesting or exciting. I have been kept pretty busy I must say… but for many, it’s not been how I have hoped or wanted… Things can ALWAYS be better. Even though I am the commander of my life and soul, there is a limit to how much and what I can do right now.

 

Maybe I’m have been thinking too much. But back when things were much simpler, life was actually good. The worries were simple; actually there wasn’t much worries tbh. And life was uncomplicated and undemanding. Even though I wouldn’t call what I’m experiencing stress from work… it’s not that at all… I just feel this sudden numbness to how the culture is here in TW. Things used to be really exciting and fun. Not that they can’t be now… there are still many great things out there. But I feel like I’m bound now. That’s the only way I can explain it. This is probably how most of the local people here feel and experience. I can slowly see why and how they turn out the way they are or why they make the decisions they make. In those sense, I guess that I am lucky… having had the chance to experience an alternative. You can really feel caged living in a place like this… even with all this freedom, with all this convenience. It sux that this is so…

Even though I want to do something about it, to change the way it is now, I also know that now is not the right time. So again… back to the old game I use to play… the patience game. That’s how it’s ever been.

 

Some cycles really need to stop though… it’s heartbreaking…

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