Just when you thought it couldn’t get any… better/worse…

These last few months have just been a total roller coaster ride. I think and feel that I’m in an awkward stage in my life. It’s like sitting at the tip of a pendulum just rocking backwards and forwards. In many ways, I want to get off… I feel tired, I feel dizzy, I feel numb from the sense of uncontrollable-ness from the fixed motion.

The thing is… I’ve gotten comfortable sitting there… from trying to adjust to it before. It’s easy now, it’s systematic, it’s easy. Change feels hard. Change is painful. This was something I was afraid I would find myself in, which was why I tried to keep on moving before.

It is unbelievably terrifying. This “stuck-in-the-middle” kinda feeling. It scares my bejeezes stiff… and I feel that the only thing that I can do is just to wish and pray. This helplessness is not something I am used to. I hope for the strength to do better… and gain the outcome that I want.

I wish…

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