New year, new ideas

Since that last time I had written here, I had meaning to come back and write in here again. Sorry for the absence, but busyness and laziness usually gets the better of me. They’re like the two crazy friends that everyone has; always damn annoying to have around and really hard to stay away from them.

Hmm… let me think. During all this time, I could say it’s been a hell of a roller coaster ride. There have been some highs, and there has been some lows. But overall, there’s a lot more lows than there was highs. But because of the lowest of the lows, they really do make the little highs all that much better.

I don’t really know where I would like to begin… so I am just going to start wherever this is heading.

Over the past year, I really have learned a lot, grown a lot, and appreciate that the life I once knew was almost like a wonderland compared to the common life that people living here experiences. The working life here really is hard.

So what does hard mean? From what I had experienced, I would describe it as, long work hours, low pay, minimal benefits… I was actually going to ramble on a whole list that would fill at least another two or three paragraph. But what is the point of that? You’re not here to listen to my complaints and grudges. You’re here because (well for most people) you are interested in learning about how I am doing. And to answer that question, I would say I am fine… still living, still breathing, and still getting my ass kicked by all the other crap that’s happening to me.

Each time I felt that I have grown, I generally always get kicked back down again by life. Something will usually happen that would just prove me wrong again in my beliefs, whether it is good or bad. Examples such as… even though you can be best of friends, some friends you still cannot be too close or too easy going… as somehow things will just come back to slap you in your face. And then there are other times when you feel that every turn you make, the world is there just to make your life miserable and ugly, just that lil tiny ounce of hope or happiness will shun all that bitterness away.

Because of these experiences, sometimes it leaves me even more unsure of all of the things I had learned earlier. I don’t know sometimes. Now that I’ve experienced the lifestyle that the people here live, I can slowly feel and understand why people feel trapped and must live out a life they have no control over.

Another thing I’ve learned to experience is (in Chinese terms) to carry the black pot. What this means is that a situation may arise whereby you find yourself in a predicament and you basically just have to take the blame regardless of whether you are at fault. Because if you say one way, you are at fault; and if you said the other, then you are also in the wrong. There may be a third or fourth option, but either way, you are still at fault. And that only lonely road that you must walk down, is to carry that big ‘ol black pot and take the blame for whatever that may be.

Seriously, this feeling sucks and I can sincerely sympathize with you should you also find yourself in this kind of predicament. But to everyone out there, I do hope you don’t have to face this.

It’s not just me, but there have also been other friends and colleagues who have had to walk down this path. Seems like it is something that can happen to anyone… (EVEN if you’re as cherry and charismatic as the person who’s made of a million bucks.) It really can happen to ANYONE! Sometimes it’s just that ‘wrong place, wrong time’ kind of thing.

So since it’s still considered the new year, I have decided that I need a good detox of all the negative energy that has consumed me. One of the things I need to do is to straighten out my health, become more energetic, and to aim for positivity. Secondly, is to plan some of the things I would like to accomplish short term in order to swat out some of the negativity. And lastly, plan some long term plans to give more orientation to my life.

Often, I sometimes get ideas that I would really like to write out and share with everyone that follows my blog. I hope I can keep at this as much as possible.

Sorry that the ramblings this time round, don’t have any concise topic or structure, but that’s how my life is at the moment… utter mess!

If the time is acceptable, maybe I should take a trip somewhere…

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  1. lol. Maybe come back to NZ for a week or two to detox? Not that you’re going to get leave approved anytime soon now that the new year period is almost over >_>

    Hang in there… carry the black pots by all means, just don’t carry the biggest one… see if you can carry the one that managers are thankful for, that will at least earn you some imaginary brownie points. They might even buy you a beer or coffee in the next decade 😛 Seriously though, you’ll get better at using the cloud hands to help move the black pots back to its rightful owner eventually. Hang in there 🙂

    • Haha.. thanks Franky… your comments always bring a smile to my face.
      I just basically re-read that post and “OMG” I must’ve been sooo out of it. Grammatical everywhere, and there are just some sentenced that make no sense unless the person who is reading them is me, haha. Even though I know what I’m talking about, it is still hard to follow. Funny thing is that I even proofread it … or so I thought… lol…

      Anyways, at this moment, I am scared to make a trip to NZ TBH. I’m worried because if I set foot there, I may get comfortable, then find all the things that I really miss about NZ, then decide to settle down.. and then find a job… and then… and then… mmm scary thought… so yeah… don’t want to head back there just yet. There are still many things I must do, many things I must learn before I can go back…

      Funny though, but just like that, it’s been 5 years since I’ve left the country… CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!?!

    • Jackie Lim
    • February 1st, 2014

    Five years too long, time to come back to NZ for a visit. Don’t over think it, a visit might just be good mentally and physically like Franklin mentioned, a much needed detox 🙂

    • Jackie Lim
    • February 1st, 2014

    Gong xi fa chai btw! May the year of the horse bring you happiness, peace of mind and clarity 🙂

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