Objectivity & Subjectivity

Back in school and Uni, I liked looking at matters from different points of view. Whilst my logical mind was able to keep matters impartial and objective, I also enjoyed looking on the same matters from more intuitive aspects… or the so called “intangibles” of the matter. At the time, things like the meanings behind what appears obvious were always intriguing to me. Metaphors, imagery, analogies and symbols… they were far more fascinating than their rational counterparts. Because to me, they were fun! They didn’t have to be real… they only had to offer an alternative which could be plausible… and it just made everything a lot more interesting.

Fast forward half a decade later, I kinda have forgotten all of that.
It’s not so much as maturing as life progressed. But all of life’s realities gets thrown at you whether you like it or not. Matters like work, money, family, friends… (I think you get the idea…). They really drain you… and it’s hard to not let it get to you. These things are all really important in my life, but I don’t know anymore.
I feel like it’s made me mechanistic and straight-forward. I can see them objectively for what they are, and that is all there is to it. But now that I think about it… where did the passion go? I just no longer care anymore I think. I still want to believe and live in dreams. I struggle to hold on to those ideals… yet, they seem fleeting before my very eyes. I struggle to grasp the wisps of air… desperately, frantically… but if I really am honest with myself, I am just really tired.

I know that staying positive is probably the only ideal way to move forward and to keep moving forward. But I think to myself, by doing this, I will have blind-folded myself and allowed it to lead me by blind faith alone. And I question that reality. Because to me, that is just not real. I do not believe in it and I certainly would not put myself into that situation by choice. It’s kinda like the matrix analogy now that I think about it. Do I take the red pill or do I take the blue one? My practical mind would want me [NO] …force me choose to know the truth or else I will forever regret it. Yet knowing what I know now, the blue pill is temping and I can totally see why someone would choose it over taking the red. A world where things just made sense and was easy, it’s still living life isn’t it?
So why question society? Why fight the machine? They’ve been tested generation through generation, so why disprove it? (Just like any reason why we do anything  really… ALL in the name of science and liberty… am I right? “Hah…”)
But no… every fiber within my body would choose to fight through this in reality… I only wish that it wasn’t so damn hard! Till this point, I don’t regret the choices I have made. And if given the chance to do it again, I would probably do the same thing… but I do wish for some things to be different…
And now here I am again… I find myself dreaming and wishing…

  1. The fact that you’re feeling discontent is good – at least you’re aware of the disparity between what your life is and what you want. That’ll stop you from being a drone… but to set yourself free, will require more work!

    I think if you can’t change the circumstance or the environment, or if you can’t / don’t want to be the change, then you may have to extract yourself from this particular circumstance / environment so that you can be more aligned with your inner values / passions? I guess I’m clutching at straws here and writing vaguely – for me personally, I fell into my job. My degree was more suited to something else – engineering / programming but I never grew in that direction.

    These days, I still don’t know what I would love doing – but at least I don’t hate what I’m doing right now, and I’m trying to find opportunities within the current job to do what I love – problem solving and educating people, I think, not too sure – and accepting the amount of time I’ve spent at the current job MUST have made me an expert in one area or two… right? Your knowledge will grow, too. Just make sure you have grown enough to take advantage of the opportunities that will surely arrive later on – it’s all that we can do, if we don’t know where we want to go I believe!

    Hope that helps

    • It’s always nice hearing your perspective. Surprisingly, I know what you mean. You’re not being vague. Will get there someday, just sucks being in a place like that, that’s all…

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