Archive for October, 2014

To S & T

Last night, Selph messaged me and told me that T popped the question to her and they were gonna get engaged. Two of my best friends finally tying the knot after 10 years since I’ve known them. We all knew that this was bound to happen, but they’ve been together for so long, that none of us were really expecting it.

When she told me, I was so happy. This was one of the most amazing news I’ve heard in a while. Yet as it slowly sunk in, it kinda made me sad. How many of my close friends have I missed. So many of them have gotten married or are about to get engaged, and I’ve missed every single one. Yes, I’ve attended some of them, but only if the reception was somewhere in the local area. It pains me personally not actually being there and supporting them in such momentous parts of their life.

I’ve been to a few weddings over these few years. But none of which really meant all that much to me. There were a few that were relatives, one of them being a cousin of mine. There were work colleagues wedding, and there were also friends of friend’s that I had attended. So many of these events which would have actually meant something to me, I have actually missed. Talk about priorities right? I’m such a failure in that respect. The only one that I made and did something about was the one for Mike and Janet, and even then that was cause they hosted an additional reception here where I was. I know that things have been difficult for me and being far away from everybody else, especially over the past half a decade, but I know I could’ve done more. Sometimes, even though your heart could be in the right place, it really doesn’t matter if you made no effort to begin with.

I know it’s a personal decision to choose not to use FB, because society has now grown around it and has somewhat become dependent of it, I’ve basically excluded myself from all my friends who do use it. Dunno, it just sux how things have come to be…

Catch 22

Earlier today, my colleague was discussing an issue with me. Our team currently are in a bit of a catch 22. If we push for one of the issues, it will make our work easier to follow but will make every other team we work with very difficult and a hassle for them. Yet on the other hand, if we stay silent and carry on as it is, we face a lot of missing data and communication as well as inconsistency within our records.

Whichever result we reach, we will still get the short end of the straw. Tough break.

She then replied me, all we can do is carry on and see how much we can do and cover. In response to her, I said ‘Every candle only has a certain length of wick.’

She was pretty intrigued by this statement. ‘Very deep’, she said. ‘I would like to remember this. But regarding our current situation, fizzling out isn’t the best option for us.’

I nod in agreement. ‘Well…’ I replied, ‘you could be a dynamite instead of a candle instead’.

She laughed.

Muesli the Monkey

Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflecting. It’s been awhile since I’ve done so. I’ve just been really busy with work, the new environment, and new people (kinda) and it was … well I wouldn’t say it was difficult, but I guess I never made any time for nothing. Any spare time I did have, I spent it watching TV or just messing about on the computer.

Since things have become more routine, I find that I have gained back some of that time. The time I’d be usually trying to figure out things and how to do the next step. So I guess instead of looking forward, I’ve been thinking back a lot lately you could say. This time round, I’ve been thinking of all the things I’ve done right in life, and the things that I haven’t done so well. It’s really hard to get a precise gage on the matters as there are no real benchmarks I could really compare it to.
People do say.…your life is your own and that you shouldn’t really be comparing to any other person. Which is true… But I do want to know if the direction I’m heading is actually something that I want. I think there’s nothing quite frightening as heading down a path and knowing that there is no way back…

Right now, I’m just staring at my monkey doll.. And it’s just staring right back at me. He’s looking at me going… hey… you have it pretty sweet. What are you worried about?
I’m giving it the, don’t give me that crap look and I tell him to walk in my shoes.

He gives me that sly smile of his and replies, I understand, but you need not worry about the rest… just hang in there and keep trying.

Damn Monkey! You and your trivial replies!