Archive for the ‘ Reflection ’ Category

Wise words from Marcus

Just now after I came back from work, I started watching Black Sails. In the scene where Miranda suggested to Guthrie that he may find the book written by Marcus Aurelius to be insightful. And a bit later, she reads him a passage from the book which resonated to my thoughts recently.

Be like a rocky promontory against which the restless surf continuously pounds; it stands fast while the churning sea is lulled to sleep at its feet. I hear you say, “How unlucky that this should happen to me!” Not at all! Say instead, “How lucky I am that I am not broken by what has happened and am not afraid of what is about to happen. The same blow might have struck any one, but not many would have absorbed it without capitulation and complaint.

No matter which perspective I take, I can’t deny that I am more the wiser.

Sailing High Winds

I had originally planned to write it in the positive emotions blog that me and Josi share, but I guess that these thoughts don’t share the same limelight as positive thoughts.

I’m at a stage in my life where the only thing that I find easy and effortless is my job and everything else either seems hard or it doesn’t make sense.

The thing that is really bugging me is that I don’t understand why things are so hard. Not hard in terms of difficulty. Hard in the sense that it’s a struggle, and that I have to put serious effort and concentration into achieving it. I take a look at my peers and colleagues. Some of them merely wish it or just cruise through their life, and they will attain it sometime in the recent future one way or another.
I, on the other hand, would need to analyze it, plan it, evaluate it, take action, reassess, setup, and explore. And even after all that, it may still not turn out how I want it. Life relies too much on variable chances. To someone who manages projects, I can see that there is obviously something wrong here. Maybe I am doing it wrong, or maybe I am over-thinking or over-doing things. But the fact remains, if I don’t do anything, then nothing will actually happen.

One thing I do understand is that happiness is a frame of mind. It is merely a matter of which perspective I choose to take. But sometimes the realist in me can’t deny that I am only fooling myself. Whether I choose to believe it is still up to me. There is one quote that I remember but have forgot where I had heard it from. It goes “When it’s right, it’s always easy”. Does that mean that other than my work, everything else isn’t right for me? Maybe so.

I feel that my age also affects how I am feeling. Back when I was younger, it felt like there was still so much of the world to explore. The destinations, its complexity, the people. Nowadays, I see myself more like an old man that’s living down the street, yelling at every street kid and alley cat that’s looking at me the wrong way. Not sure why that is, but that’s how I am now. I also feel that the only time I can steady my mind is when I’m either running or cycling. I do enjoy the exercise, but it shouldn’t be that those are not my only options for having a clear head.

I hope that when I come back from my trip next month, I will be able to catch more wind behind my sails so that things can be smooth sailing…

Coffee Talks @5pm

Being after CNY, today had been a really slow day at work. There was just a tinge of “I just don’t feel like being here” kinda vibe today at the office. Which was why I asked a colleague to have coffee with me.

Sheryl has been really special to me ever since I had the opportunity to get to know her. She’s one of the few people that I know who would say “OMG, I’m so glad the holidays are over. I can’t wait to get back to work. I miss the office so much…” hahaha~~~ But that’s story for another time.

Other than our usual talks, she was talking to me about relationships and marriage this time round. She was telling me that things were smooth sailing in her relationship with her husband up until after her marriage. I am always positive in my belief of relationships, and I reply that it takes a long time to truly get to know someone, so people shouldn’t rush into marriage. She counters me by saying that many things are just different afterwards that people cannot plan for. I can’t really pretend to understand what it is like from her position cause I’ve never actually been in that situation, so I politely nod.

I told her that the relationship that I believe in is one where both parties try to find compromises with each other, because not everyone is perfectly made for each other and that’s what needs to be considered if a relationship is to carry on forward. So I said, “it doesn’t really work if only one of the party is making compromises for the other and while the other does nothing to change.”  She looked me in the eyes and replied, “but that’s exactly what love is. You love the other for who they are regardless if they feel like they want to change or not…”

She had me there. Cause I also believe that too. Maybe I need to rethink my take on all of this…

Modern family dinners

I’m used to it now. Working away from home means that dining usually takes place alone. It’s just easier and more convenient this way. Besides, I’m a bit short of friends in this place. But that’s another story.

When I do dine by myself, I take notice of the occupants around me. The usual stereotypes are normally all there. There’s the new lovey dovey cute couples, there are the we’ve been dating for a few years and things are kinda boring and it’s more efficient if we just communicate with each other through our phones couple, there’s the Mum who is by herself looking after the kid/kids who are yelling, screaming, screeching, and running about, there’s the happy new family with the first born toddler with the mummy and daddy, and lastly there’s the long married couple that are just dining together outside because their kids have all grown up and moved away. I’ve seen all types really and am basically just used to it all.

It was earlier tonight though that I was dining at a small dinner cafe where I saw a family. There was a mother and a father with two kids. A boy and a girl who looked to be around 5 and 4 respectively. It was only when I carefully observed them that the scene before me was just breaking my heart.

Picture this. The Dad is only his smart phone swiping away. The Mum us also on her phone swiping away. One kid was just staring at the wall beside her in blank stare, and the boy was slowly chewing away his food staring blankly forward. This continued for at least another 5min before the mother spoke something while still focused on her phone without lifting her head. I don’t think her husband made any gesture of acknowledgement, but continued to use his phone. It was in the kids faces though. They looked like they were obedient at such a young age, but there was no joy in them though. The expressions they had were like they are just sitting there drifting through life… eating what’s in front of them only because their parents had said so.

After both the kids had put down their utensils, they sat there for another 5 minutes before the mother put down her phone and asked, all finished? The kids nodded politely. The wife then motioned over to the husband that they should leave. He didn’t look up but got up while still using his phone and only put it away after he quickly finish with what he was fiddling with. The family followed quietly after they gathered their belongings and left the cafe.

I know that it’s not fair to judge from an outside perspective. But just observing on what I saw, I vow to myself that I would end up like this family that I saw before me. Because of the convenience of technology, it is to blame here in this situation I believe. A family dinner outside should be a joyous and interactive event. Okay, it might not need to be joyous, but it is a chance for the family to interact at some level. But because of smart phones, it felt more like a disconnect with what should be more important. Family right?

Maybe they’re just tired. Maybe they’re busy trying to finish work, or communicate important business messages. Whatever the case though… what I witnessed tonight, I will try to make sure that that would not be a reflection of what will become.

To S & T

Last night, Selph messaged me and told me that T popped the question to her and they were gonna get engaged. Two of my best friends finally tying the knot after 10 years since I’ve known them. We all knew that this was bound to happen, but they’ve been together for so long, that none of us were really expecting it.

When she told me, I was so happy. This was one of the most amazing news I’ve heard in a while. Yet as it slowly sunk in, it kinda made me sad. How many of my close friends have I missed. So many of them have gotten married or are about to get engaged, and I’ve missed every single one. Yes, I’ve attended some of them, but only if the reception was somewhere in the local area. It pains me personally not actually being there and supporting them in such momentous parts of their life.

I’ve been to a few weddings over these few years. But none of which really meant all that much to me. There were a few that were relatives, one of them being a cousin of mine. There were work colleagues wedding, and there were also friends of friend’s that I had attended. So many of these events which would have actually meant something to me, I have actually missed. Talk about priorities right? I’m such a failure in that respect. The only one that I made and did something about was the one for Mike and Janet, and even then that was cause they hosted an additional reception here where I was. I know that things have been difficult for me and being far away from everybody else, especially over the past half a decade, but I know I could’ve done more. Sometimes, even though your heart could be in the right place, it really doesn’t matter if you made no effort to begin with.

I know it’s a personal decision to choose not to use FB, because society has now grown around it and has somewhat become dependent of it, I’ve basically excluded myself from all my friends who do use it. Dunno, it just sux how things have come to be…