Posts Tagged ‘ Friendship ’

Lifting that smile…

Too long have I worn that lazy excuse on my face.
The smile facing outwards towards the onlooking world. That mask that hides any of my inner emotions, the shield that guards against any unwarranted attention. It seems like a lonely way to live, but really it is my only defense against any broken hearts towards people I loved. It’s my only approach against misplacing my utmost trust towards familial friends. Too many times have I been left out in the cold, too many times I’ve been wondering why…

Ever since my high school years, I’ve lived away from home. Because of that, I’ve mostly spent my time with friends and have treated them like family. Actually, thinking back now, more so than my immediate family at the time. I gave them my time, my attention, and sometimes even my own money. You probably know where this story goes, and so like those stories, I was just as gullible. Only being able to learn about the world through one heartbreak or one mistrust at a time. It’s happened so many times, that the reaction has just became a natural habit. So over the years, without letting anybody in, it was difficult trying to make close friends. Simply put, I was just tired. Tired of living this kind of life. Tired of guarding my emotions having tried to piece back the broken pieces like the shattered eggshells sitting in the kitchen bin or that 2000 piece mosaic puzzle that’s still sitting on my table unfinished.

But more recently I had realized something. As they say, to make a cake you’ve gotta break some eggs. It takes trust to get trust in return and if you don’t risk getting hurt, then you wont get the opportunity to meet the very same people that think and feel the same way you would too. And through uncanny circumstance, that is how I gotten closer with YT and Oli as of late. It’s a nice feeling being able to feel that fuzziness of close friends after so long. I am thankful for myself of taking that chance again.

You’re only wanted when you’re needed…

There is one thing I don’t understand about people, about friendships. There’s no exact rule or law of how things should be dealt or handled, but lately it’s bothered me.

A rough continuum of how friendship is labeled generally goes something like this: strangers, acquaintances, distant friends, friends, close friends, BFF.
By listing out the labels of friends, hopefully you can see the picture that I’m trying to paint. Of course there are friends you can be extremely close with, then there are friends that you enjoy the company of but wouldn’t necessarily have to be in touch with them constantly. Obviously not all friends are expected to have a constant presence around you, but I feel that at least a certain level of being a close friend and more would require some effort from both to keep alive. But what really bothers me are the people who may think that they are your close friends… who does not even bother to maintain a certain level connection yet, when they finally do contact you, you know that they are after something from you.

Now of course, I do not expect that you need to be babied with your hands held in a death-like grip, or a constant surveillance on say FB to be considered a close friend. Just a general concern of care is enough, followed by a natural space for your fellow close friend actually does mean something. What really bothers me is that the people who tries to be your close friends only till the point where they get what they had come for, then they’re gone again in their busy lives.

Heck, everyone is busy at our age, but does our past memories, our travels and fun not count towards a following reply? Is it easier to just ignore all others until it’s convenient for yourself? Any attempt at maintaining a reply or relational bond require such a  stark volume of your time? Or in reality, you just do not care? Falling out, I can understand. Having no time because you get so caught up and busy, I can understand. But having nothing shared between you for some time and then approaching you out of the blue for some favour, attention, information… totally not cool!

I just wanna thank those friends who follow my blog or even bother to just say hey cause it’s a cool day. You guys are the best~

Hi there, nice to meet you~

As I slowly drifted awake from bed this morning, I swore what I actually had been dreaming was reality, and what is now was actually a dream. I had in fact had the most interesting dream with this person, who I have never actually met. I had been talking over the phone to them as they were an old friend, yet conversing with topics such as what they do normally for a job and also what their favourite sandwich fillings were.

Bizarre as it seemed, I felt an affinity and kinship to this person whom I have never met. It was strange as the reason I had made the call from the beginning was to confirm a time to meet for a concert with my brother and his friends. Because he was busy, he had asked me to make the call on his behalf. What had eventuated from an incorrect number followed an amiable discussion. This person apparently was an astrophysicist who lived in America, state of California and loves large helpings of veges with a relish of sauces on the side (not to mention the well roasted chicken breast in the centre). Enjoys using paint on Microsoft Windows, listening to Jazz music and most obviously, watching the starry night sky in a cloudless open area. Hates people who are not punctual, people who cannot seem to tell when they should stop talking as well as people who can’t seem to stick to the point of the topic and not talk on a tangent about how pouring tea should be done when the water isn’t boiling hot when you asked them where they had left the stapler…

As we had talked, I felt comfortable talking to this person. We agreed on many things and laughed at our difference. They had a mellow and non-confrontational yet engaging tone when they spoke, the type similar to meeting an old friend. I have no idea how I found out so much about someone who I have never met…  
Overall, an odd… VERY odd experience.

But as abruptly as I made the random call, I was woken by the earthquake shakes to my bed caused by the sleeping junior next to me as he rolled in his slumber… sigh… I want my sleep/dream back….